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The following is a test of epicness. If you can successfully pass this test, then you are perfectly qualified to refer to yourself as “Epic” on the Internet, or at the very least around me. Try it out and see how well you do! Make everyone else you know try it! Seriously! 
Test of Epicness
Candidates have two hours with which to complete the test. Candidates must answer four of the six questions. Candidates must have previously filled out form PH41L, giving consent that in the event that they fail, their personal details are published on the Internet, for all to make use of and laugh at the failing candidates.
- Encompassing standard distribution and chaos theory, calculate the following:
- The probability that there will be ten green bottles sitting on any given wall.
- If and when one green bottle will accidentally fall.
For the context of this question, you may substitute: fat sausages sizzling in a pan, one of which goes pop, another of which goes bang; bottles of beer on a wall, one of which is taken down and passed around.
- Explain the reasoning and mechanics as to why, despite access to several hundred television channels:
- There is never anything on to watch when you set an evening aside to relax curled up on the sofa watching the television.
- When there is something interesting on to watch, it is always on a channel you could still get on the most basic subscription package.
- Illustrate using a chart or other graph, your level of surprise when the following events occur on time:
- Your train arrives
- Your doctor’s appointment
- Your alarm goes off
- Your overpaid taxes refund goes through
- Your bus arrives
- Your boss arrives at work
- Assuming standard distribution, illustrate on a Venn diagram, those out of a group of 100 gamers who are:
- 10 years of age
- American
- Only capable of conversing through expletive language
- 10 years of age, American, and only capable of conversing through expletive language
- Female
- Using Darwin’s theory of evolution, and encompassing the history of evolution of man, explain:
- Mary Harney
- Brian Cowen
- Ryan Tubridy
- Bertie Ahern
- In regards to traffic congestion, and utter confusion and frustration of motorists; compare and discuss the “before” and “after” scenarios of the following events:
- The Port Tunnel opened
- The M50 toll bridge became “freeflow”
- Work began on converting the M50 off-ramp roundabouts to “freeflow” spaghetti junctions
Good luck!
In answer to question 5, evolutionary throwbacks do occur.
Question 1…
The problem lies with the substitution… as none of these three scenarios have equal probability, also location has a bearing on the matter…
1. The probability that there will be ten green bottles sitting on any given wall.
Usually 0. The only occasion when I have seen this occur is then 10 green bottles were cemented on to the top of the wall. Then broke leaving jagged edges to reduce climbing. Oddly the person who put them there did not break them, see below.
2. If and when one green bottle will accidentally fall.
Again depending on circumstance.
a) 0 if cemented
b) 0.02 in calm weather conditions or indoors left alone
c) 0.4 in rough weather conditions, but this is dependent on shelter and location and what the wall is constructed of. This probability remains high in a poorly constructed shack, and high in a well constructed building during a tropical storm
d) 0.99 (or 99%) should a cat try out weaving pr passing the bottles. 100% if the cat in question is of the LOL variety.
However looking at the substitutions…
1) 10 fat sausages sizzling in a pan
Depends on location (and chef/cook craving)
2) one of which goes pop, another of which goes bang
Depends on quality of the meat and oil used. In practice sausages never go “bang” or “pop”. What happen is that water added to the hot oil makes the noise. Should the sausages be of very low quality then the probability of them making either noise increases.
and
1)10 bottles of beer on a wall
The likelihood of this occurring outside of a party/BBQ situation is very low
2) one of which is taken down and passed around.
is 100% in certain situations.
If the wall is a boundary wall, if the opposite side contains under legal drinking age kids who want it, if the wall is slightly shorter than the maximum reach of the tallest member of the aforementioned kids. Then its 100%
Should the bottle be cemented to the wall, an attempt will be made to take them down and pass them around, but the cementing will ensure that they are not removed.
Then the probability of the bottles being stoned / smashed by insulted kids (or indeed winos, this isn’t and ageist argument) is high.
However, in this case, none of the bottles “did accidentally fall”, but stone kicked up by passing trucks will be the alibi used by the kids.
Question 1 is a trick question. “Green Bottles” won’t fall but rather just fly away, unless of course they’re dead, then they might fall, but they would be more than likely to be carried away with a gentle breeze or gobbled up by a hungry sparrow than to just fall off a wall.